Online dating what to say if not interested

19-Sep-2017 16:19

Add into the mix an optimism bias, which is seems likely that men have in regards to their attractive appeal, and you can have a situation where the person whose reply has gone unanswered will interpret it as a ‘they’ve forgotten’ rather than as a ‘they’re not interested in me’.Similarly, receiving an ‘I’m busy’ reply can be ambiguous.However, the problem with this robust protocol, is it doesn’t account for asymmetry in social value or importance.For example, say for the purposes of general interest or career improvement you want to catch up for coffee with a famous politician.In fact it’s these kinds of relationships that I’m more interested in, but discussions of romantic pursuits is a relatable and common starting point.Recently I saw this image posted on my Facebook and it got me thinking about my own experiences with not receiving replies to text or Facebook messages.This creates quite a clear communication protocol: The person asking for a date: If you ask for a date, (or have a date cancelled), do not ask again, it’s up to them to suggest an alternative.

I know personally I tend to stop replying to messages when I get depressed, and it’s not because I don’t like the person who’s messaging me.

For the person who’s message isn’t being replied to, it can be difficult to decide how to proceed.

By the nature of a no-reply it can be hard to tell whether: (they see the message, but don’t get around to replying to it and eventually forget, or they remember later but it feels to awkward to reply then).

I’ve found a common dynamic when it comes to dating and friendship is I’ll invite a friend or a romantic interest to spend some time together, and I’ll either get no response from them at all, or I’ll get a some kind of ‘I can’t this week, but maybe next week? While these two responses are distinctly different, what they have in common is that being on the receiving end it can be unclear what the response means, In this post, while I use online dating as an initial vehicle for discussing the dynamics of no-reply and I’m-busy responses.

The more important dynamic I’m really interested in, is these responses from people who you know a bit better.

I know personally I tend to stop replying to messages when I get depressed, and it’s not because I don’t like the person who’s messaging me.

For the person who’s message isn’t being replied to, it can be difficult to decide how to proceed.

By the nature of a no-reply it can be hard to tell whether: (they see the message, but don’t get around to replying to it and eventually forget, or they remember later but it feels to awkward to reply then).

I’ve found a common dynamic when it comes to dating and friendship is I’ll invite a friend or a romantic interest to spend some time together, and I’ll either get no response from them at all, or I’ll get a some kind of ‘I can’t this week, but maybe next week? While these two responses are distinctly different, what they have in common is that being on the receiving end it can be unclear what the response means, In this post, while I use online dating as an initial vehicle for discussing the dynamics of no-reply and I’m-busy responses.

The more important dynamic I’m really interested in, is these responses from people who you know a bit better.

Equally possible though, is that they haven’t replied because they’re simply not interested. It might be tempting to suggest that these kinds of social dynamics simply don’t merit this much thought – an emotionally healthy person will simply forget about it till the next time they consider messaging a person.