Put the fun back into dating

12-Feb-2017 11:32

If you jump back in with both feet you may find that dating isn’t like “riding a bike.” If it’s been a while since you have dated you are going to need to fine tune those old dating skills a bit. So, I’ve put together some tips on how to help you get back into the dating game and enjoy your new found freedom. The subject of your divorce is bound to come up and when it does keep it brief and focus your attention on your date and having a good time in that moment. Keep in mind that your date is probably anxious also and wanting to make a good impression.You can be open and honest with your date without spilling your guts or allowing your last relationship to define your dating relationships.2. Be yourself and encourage your date to do the same.My wife knows when I am putting her first and when something else has my greatest attention.(And, as the pastor of a large, growing church there are plenty of other things to grab my attention.

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(By the way – You can be wise with your expenses and still plan for date nights.Smiling and enjoying the moment is contagious and before you know it, you both will be at ease with the situation.3. If you’ve been through a divorce, especially after a long term marriage then you have probably been to therapy.Maybe you learned in therapy that your insecurities in relationships stem from the fact that you learned to avoid conflict as a child and that your mother is a narcissist. Pay attention to your date, get to know the person you are having dinner with. Nothing is more flattering to another individual than knowing what they have to say matters. Give yourself the opportunity to meet new people and have some fun before looking for your next serious relationship.But if it doesn’t amount to one, it’s easy to lose our enthusiasm for it.Going on dates starts to feel boring, annoying, frustrating, like a chore.

(By the way – You can be wise with your expenses and still plan for date nights.

Smiling and enjoying the moment is contagious and before you know it, you both will be at ease with the situation.3. If you’ve been through a divorce, especially after a long term marriage then you have probably been to therapy.

Maybe you learned in therapy that your insecurities in relationships stem from the fact that you learned to avoid conflict as a child and that your mother is a narcissist. Pay attention to your date, get to know the person you are having dinner with. Nothing is more flattering to another individual than knowing what they have to say matters. Give yourself the opportunity to meet new people and have some fun before looking for your next serious relationship.

But if it doesn’t amount to one, it’s easy to lose our enthusiasm for it.

Going on dates starts to feel boring, annoying, frustrating, like a chore.

The original audience for these suggestions were when I shared them at a pastor’s retreat years ago, but I believe they work for all of us.